Recently I was asked to speak to a group of our military, As I looked deep into their eyes I saw the sadness and pain in some, torment in others.
Sometimes we experience things in life out of our control. Many of these young men and women had deployed overseas to fight the war on terror. No one told them when they came home they would be fighting a new battle. A battle that starts in the mind and tears the soul apart. What I saw in their eyes were soul wounds. They had tried to bandage those wounds with alcohol and drugs. Many found themselves in such darkness they attempted to end their lives. When a person experiences trauma it can go so deep in the soul they need a backhoe to try to dig out of the pain, anger, despair and self-loathing. As I shared transparently of my soul wound, I saw tears well up in a few of their eyes, some squirming in their seats. One young lady jumped up and left the room. Anything to deflect those emotions rising inside. The battle seems to never end.
In April 2004, my soul wound aka PTS (my personal tragic story) began, just a few weeks after my oldest son, a soldier in the US army returned from a ten-month deployment fighting the war on terror. My youngest son Nicholas was critically injured and killed from a drunk driving crash. Never in a million years did I ever think I would find myself sitting day and night by my son's bed as he fought for his life. He suffered a massive head injury because of the crash. It was the longest five days of my life. On the fifth day, the Doctors came to us and shared that my son was clinically brain dead. The death of a child is one of the most difficult losses a person can experience. I was tormented and paralyzed with fear. My life was filled with deep pain, anger, grief and anxiety. I spent many days in bed curled in a fetal position, unable to find a way to heal from this devastating loss. The relationships with all of those around me began to suffer. The trauma caused such a deep wound my marriage began to suffer.
In December of 2007, my husband ended his life in suicide. I found myself in an even deeper and darker abyss than before. I couldn't leave my home, yet I struggled with being alone. The enemy was at my doorstep beckoning for me to succumb to the same ending. It was only then, when I cried out to God to save me that I finally found the peace and healing I was in such desperate need of. I have found there is no greater relationship to satisfy my hunger, realize how great my God is and how much he loves me. He has healed my wounded soul and left the scars to restore hope to the wounded and lost.
Let my soul be at rest again, for the lord has been good to me. ~Psalm 116:7
Beverly Shoemaker
Blue Star Mother, Founder Treasured Tears (http://www.treasuredtears.com/)
